I'm looking forward to school because I hope I'll be able to meet someone. 

It's been over 3 months since my relationship with Ed completely blew up and I feel better than ever that I don't have to deal with him any longer.

I've spent entirely too much time in my life wondering if I was to blame for his rapid and utterly mystifying change from an open and thoughtful friend to a cold, selfish, thoughtless, unkind, misery-engendering phobic of anything resembling intimacy. It was dramatic. We slept together, and within weeks our heretofore normal frequent and long conversations dwindled to nothing.

Not to mention, when I came to see him he forgot I needed to eat, didn't introduce me to anyone he lived with, picked fights and insinuated I was horrible for disagreeing with him. Also, the sex was awful. I came home and actually thought to myself: 'Wow. I should have just worked those days."

After I'd had enough of his shabby treatment, merely expressing my upset with how he'd treated me made him repeat his usual selfish bullshit. It took weeks for him to finally respond to me and admit he was wrong.

This is while I'm desperately trying to take the high road, mind you, when I wanted nothing more than to tell him exactly where to go.

His apology consisted of a long diatribe about what a bastard he'd been. Which was true. He did not, however, ever ask how he could make it up to me. This is after he apologized the first time and ended up leaving in a huff when I expressed thoughtfulness about knowing oneself.

Hint: when apologizing to someone for treating them shabbily, FOCUS ON THEM. NOT YOURSELF. Being self-obsessed was the problem, after all.

It was especially hurtful because we'd known each other since we were 15. We used to exchange up to 6 emails a day, every weekday. I'd talked to his mom when she was worried his girlfriend was abusing him. I tried to get them both help. 

And then the switch was flipped and it was suddenly okay to ignore and mistreat me. Nine years we knew each other, and he threw it out.

My current loneliness is tempered by a complete unwillingness to ever let that kind of poisonous infantile abuse into my life again. Ever.

If there is a phrase for the Ed chapter in my life it's "Never Again."

So, this year, I hope to at least have an enjoyable flirtation.

Kili's day yesterday:

Roomie pokes his head in around 5 PM, because I said I wanted to get bubble tea and go in to town. I don't hear him at first, but haul my carcass out of bed. We go to get bubble tea, but the place's debit machine is down. Fortunately, Christianne gave me a gift card for freebies for my birthday. Go to Legends because I wanted to pick up Promethea. Closed. Trippy's Emporium (comics and weed paraphernalia) and Curious also closed. Yellowjacket open, able to purchase last volume in series. Fortunately all in same block.

Go to Chapters to see if they have any copies. None. Place also closes 5 minutes after we get there. Go for dinner. The Reef, Caribbean. The ackee and saltfish is too much for my still-weak stomach. Spur of the moment decided to go tot he theatre. 7:20, Up showing at 7 and 9:30. Kill 2 hours and $20 getting delicious ice cream, then shooting zombies in arcade. Get in to theatre 15 minutes early. Get dirty look from old (crabby) lady for talking despite the fact that we are watching the ads that come before the ads that come before the previews. There are about 25 people in the audience.

Movie comes on. Get 15 minutes in. Projector breaks. Sit in the dark another 20 minutes waiting for it to be fixed. A patron behind us with his young son proves amusing. He comments the screen looks like a Russian constructivist painting. I gave him mad props for referencing Russian constructivism, then spent several minutes "analyzing" it.

In a bad fake German accent. "Vat ve are zeeing here iz de artizt'z reprezentation of ze revolutionary ztruggle. Ze black border reprezentz ze opponentz of ze revolution, vhile ze grey zquare reprezentz the revolution'z proponents. Ze red 'exit' sign reprezentz, of course, ze artizt'z colleaguez who ezcaped to Vestern Europe and America." Sid chortled, compared the screen to a Rothko painting. I chortled. He then said: "Don't think this exempts you from taking me to a Rothko exhibit." I chortled more.

Sid wondered how long the average person would sit waiting in the theatre for the movie to begin, you know, if it was a sociological experiment. Patron behind us and I discussed the law of diminishing returns. The projector went back up, then failed again after 10 minutes. Buddy behind us happened to have a guitar and knew "Scarborough Fayre." (I requested Hendrix but no dice.) Finally, the theatre personnel gave up and we were issued free passes and I got a refund.

Thus was my day. Yep.

Tags: surreality

Work is so ludicrous. I came in to a mountain, MOUNTAIN of dishes. Every horizontal surface in the dish pit was covered. Stuff from BREAKFAST.

Then Carlo and Wes don't have anything to tell me about what I'm supposed to be doing about the changeover. All they have is things I missed. I always get this gross nervous feeling in my stomach whenever I have to talk to either of them.

I need to get the hell out of this job. I'm getting so anxious and depressed.

I am now on twitter. winterbyrne

Yeah, good times.

...to me! I am 24 years old.

And still no clue. Good times. I honestly forgot it was coming until I went to work yesterday evening.

Plans: sleep. Then work. Repeat.

So, there is a large, glaring problem with the new Star Trek movie.



It is too short.



Well, that and also, WTF about the black hole?



Anyway, seeing the new Star Trek movie improved my mood. Very much a spirit-of sort of thing. I want many sequels. Nice use of Spock.


In regards to the job, I realize now they would never have hired me. They gave the job to a girl with a ticket from UVic in technical writing.

My sister said someone who worked at Agresso "didn't like how [I was] controlling the interview."

Bullshit. They started off asking me to talk about myself, saying, "Give us an overview of who you are." They never once asked me the standard questions: where will you be in five years, how have you dealt with conflict with a coworker in the past, etc.

When I stopped talking, there was silence from them. They barely spoke about the position: I had to ask about the team and how things worked. I made them laugh.

And one said The Clincher. When someone says this, I know things are not going to work out in my favour.

"You're obviously very intelligent."

I felt a small droplet of trepidation when I heard it at the time.

There has never, ever, ever not been a "but statement" after that. Ever. Not once.

Soft rejections are the most common. Personal insults are not unknown, especially from Conroy when I was at school.

The Bad Words.

So, I was unqualified. They were humouring Sam. It wouldn't have happened.

Everyone says it was great getting as far as I did. But it wasn't truly on merit, it was because Sam championed me.

And you know, I would've been happy to be there. And honestly, if this next person doesn't work out and they offered it to me, you're damn right I'd jump at it. I want to see a damned dentist and optometrist.

Looks like it's admin assistant for me.



Incidentally, I'd totally bone Zachary Quinto if he kept the ears on.

Got my rejection notice a few minutes ago.


And this sucks.


I have zero desire to start looking for admin assistant jobs right now. Jesus.

Current Mood: depressed

Two things to squee about:



1. MY TABLET CAME! It's sleek and sexy and beautiful, 9x12 inches, and I love it a million infinities.

2. MUM'S GOT A JOB! She is a CHW, and makes almost $20 an hour.


One thing to freak about:

1.Today is the earliest I'll know about the job at the software company. GNEE. No word yet.

Current Mood: restless

I was in there for like an hour and 45 minutes. I tried to make eye contact with all three interviewers. I made jokes and got laughs.

I won't know more until monday.








FNARGHARGHLFNARGHLLALLRGH

OH GOD.

Almost done the writing sample.

 

 

OH GOD.












OH GOD.

Chef T was in covering for Chef M. Good times.